we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
