I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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