____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
