go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
