My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize