Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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