he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
