Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
