hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
