So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
