You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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