There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
