At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
