It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
