She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
