If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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