And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
