I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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