Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
love makes seman taste better
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
