my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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