omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
