She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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