Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
