Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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