she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
