he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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