I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
