oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize