my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
