I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize