some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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