I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
