so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
