kristin has been a bad kristin
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
