do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I supernannyed him into submission
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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