mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
