I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
