I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
