I am midnight drunk by noon
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
