my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
