My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
