My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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