I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
