she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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