I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize