oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
