No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
