Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
