Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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