Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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