im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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