She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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