just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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