Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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