Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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