just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
