6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
