Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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