Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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