Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love how my cats smell like pot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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