I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Randomize
