Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
