Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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