We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
