Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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