In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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