I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
